Awake
by coffeecoffeecoffee83
Summary: Thats what you get, folks, for makin Whoopee'. Lorelais' thoughts as she lays awake.


_My mind can be a strange place. Anyone with any sense runs away when I start babbling. Here's a peek into Lorelais' mind. Also, very scary. It's in '__That's what you get, folks, for makin Whoppee' _, just before she waits for Rory to get up. It's short. It's angsty. It's 'stream of consciousness' for want of a better description. And, I don't own nuthin'.

***Awake***

Damn Rory. Damn her to hell. Prancing in here just as I'd started a perfect dream about the perfect days before I went and ruined everything. Before April came into his life. I was wrenched out of my blissful slumber by my hyperactive daughter, chanting on about some Twilight Zone episode, and her love rocket. Stupid love rocket. Stupid Logan. Stupid London.

All I want to do is lie here for days, and cry. I don't want to feel obliged to entertain her, and get her mind off stupid Logan. I want to eat three tubs of icecream back to back, and watch I Love Lucy episodes. I don't want to have to go outside, where I'll have to face the world. Where I'll have to face Luke. This is the smallest town in the world. It'll be impossible to go anywhere without seeing him, or at least having to see the diner. The scene of the crime. Where I threw it all away. Stupid diner.

But I have to go out tomorrow. I have to go to the mall, at least. I don't think I can handle more than one night of sleeping directly on the mattress, without my comforter, or even sheets. I've saved one pillow, but the pillowcase has been ripped off and thrown in the hallway along with the rest of my bedding. Maybe I need to get a new mattress as well. One that hasn't had Luke sleeping on it. One that doesn't have the memories of the day we went bed shopping together to replace his grandmothers horrible horrible bed. Maybe I can give this one to Rory. I'm sure she's sick of sleeping on a twin bed every time she comes home. But would she really want to sleep on a mattress her mother has had sex on? I wouldn't.

Ew!! Bad thoughts! Get them out!!

It's almost 4am. This sucks! I have to be at the inn in five hours.

Then I have to go shopping. Ugh! Can I really de-Luke-ify the entire house? He's been everywhere in this house. He's touched everything. We've had sex in almost every room of this house - Rory's room being the glaring exception, and that would never happen in a million gazillion years. Possibly a googolplex of years. To fully purge the house of his presence, wouldn't I have to get rid of everything? Maybe even the house itself, which wouldn't still be standing if it weren't for Luke and his amazing handyman skills. Amazing skills. Amazing Luke.

I'm an amazing idiot. If I'd just gone home and cried by myself. If I'd just waited a while for him to answer before walking away. If I'd gone straight home, and not got in that car with annoyingly observant psychiatrist lady. Or psychologist? Is there a difference? I don't know.

I'm cold. There's a reason people have blankets and comforters and all that good stuff. God, I wish I still had something on this bed. Maybe a sweater will do the trick. Or several sweaters, like I'm a homeless bag lady. I can collect old soda cans. That'd be fun. Well... it might lose its' appeal after, say, an hour. But that hour would be fun!

I wonder what Luke's doing right now. Is he having trouble sleeping too? Or is he just perfectly fine? Nothing changed for him. I was completely dispensable to him. No! I can't think like that. Surely, he's hurting as much as I am. I mean, he's the one who was dumped and then kinda cheated on. Is it cheating if one person has given up on the relationship but the other person still thinks they're just having a fight? Oh my God! I'm Logan. That is exactly what he did to Rory. My sweet innocent, love rocket having, Rory. The same Rory who woke me up two hours ago, and is most likely sleeping soundly downstairs safe in the knowledge that someone loves her. Also, the knowledge that she is currently in possession of some rather innocuous bedding. Bedding that won't strangle her with memories. Memories you don't want to think about.

Memories are bad. I wonder if I can have all my memories of Luke Eternal Sunshine-ed out of my head? Would Elijah Wood come and get drunk in my house? Would I dye my hair some outrageous color, but still end up back with Luke, not knowing why he seems familiar? How much would a procedure like that cost? While they're in there, should they get rid of Christopher too? Stupid Christopher. Stupid take advantage of the hurt Christopher. Stupid Lorelai for going there in the first place, and putting her in the position to BE taken advantage of. Did he really take advantage though? What did I do to discourage him? Nothing. Turning up there was all the encouragement he needed. During the ... act... I don't remember doing much though. I became one of those girls that guys hate. Those girls who just lie there and expect the guy to do everything. 'Like a dead fish' I think Cosmo said. I never understood those girls.

He wasn't Luke. That's why I liked it, but that's also why I hated it. Ahh! Now I know why guys think that girls are so confusing. I'm confusing myself.

Stop thinking about Luke. Stop thinking about Christopher. Wow. That one was easy. Now back to the first one. Stop thinking about Luke. Stop thinking about Luke. Think about... puppies. Puppies are cute. Paul Anka would have been a cute puppy. I wish I could have seen him then. Luke would've hated having a puppy around. Stop it! What did we just discuss? The 'L' word is forbidden. It's taboo. It's verboten. Well, there're two 'L' words that are applicable right now, aren't there? Oh! And the other 'L' word! But, I can't see a reason why 'lesbian' should be forbidden right now. So we'll just stick with those other two. The bad words. The words we're not going to think about anymore. Ever, in fact. That is, until I start to think about coffee, and then both of those words will pop right into my head.

Ooooh! Coffee! That's what I need right now. Coffee always helps. Especially those of us who are eternally awake. That's it. I'm getting up and going to make some coffee. And waffles. Waffles would be great right now. Coffee and waffles. Yes. That is my plan. My plan to get over my man. And what's the opposite of man? Jam! Okay. No more Friends episodes for me. Just coffee and waffles.

And.... I'm up.


End file.
